You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
