Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
