Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
