Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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