isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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