Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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