before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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