she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
