I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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