he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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