you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
