i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
