You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
