If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
