yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
