My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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