Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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