So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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