I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
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Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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