Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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