I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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