People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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