he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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