Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
