She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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