friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
