Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize