We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My bed smells like the plague
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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