I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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