I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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