Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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