I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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