I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
