he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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