a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's rum buckets o'clock
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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