I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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