Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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