Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
