if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
