It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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