I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
