In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
