just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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