Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
