We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
