The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
