Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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