He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
