Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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