AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
