quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
