just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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