Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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