dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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