how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
