Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
