I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
