This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think I won the penis lottery.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
