I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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