tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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