I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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