God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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